Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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