I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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