I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
