I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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