??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
