I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
