you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
