I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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