I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
