So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she pinky promised me she was 18
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
