Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
