Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
