he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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