i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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