I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
