he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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