Just fell off a train. Bad.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
