I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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