I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
