Your dad touched me again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
