From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You ate ashes out of my bong
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
