Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
