i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
