haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
