Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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