Best friends brother. Beat that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
