he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
