Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
