yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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