Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
