we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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