The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
