perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
