i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
