i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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