another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
did you just send me my own nude
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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