Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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