Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
