My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dicks are not precious.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
