That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
