maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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