you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Panties = found
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
