I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
