I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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