then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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