I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
