He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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