It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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