I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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