You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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