Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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