We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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