im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
false alarm, still single
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
