turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
