winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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