Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
