i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
