Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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