I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Porn is love you can see.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
