3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
