I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
