you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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