dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did my mother make you get naked?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
