Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
