i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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