Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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