he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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