This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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